The melt downs come a little bit less frequently but they are as intense as ever. I still have a difficult time articulating what this grief feels like. It is very heavy and smothering. It is physical and mental at the same time. And of course, just when I think I've licked it - it pounces back on me and exhausts me again. Like a cat playing with its prey. It is cruel and yet, simply a part of living.
It has been building for a few weeks. And it comes from good times with the people I have grown to love through Eddie. It still surprises me when I think of how my life was changed by that man. It is something each of us should strive for. To have such a powerful and positive effect on those around us that their lives are forever changed. I don't know if anyone else who knew Eddie feels this way, but I do.
My life has taken a path that I never envisioned. One where I don't think too much about what will become of me. Which gives me enormous freedom to spend my hours on the things that truly matter to me.
From the simple act of watching a sunset or rocking on a porch or as complex as changing the lives of children who are victims of abuse.
I don't fret much any more. But I will gladly continue to wear the tag of FSW in honor of the man who taught me so much about living a life dedicated to the pursuit of happiness.
Cheers!
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