I Don't Know

So, now what?

After splitting from my husband in June of 2004, I managed to stay out of what I’ll call a committed relationship until I met Eddie in June of 2006.  Two years almost to the day.

It was shocking to me that I was in my late forties and single again.  No one gets married with the thought that they will wind up divorced.  We were together for 13 years.  But divorce was the only avenue aside from murder.  And while, that may have ultimately been less stressful, I just didn’t want to chance the whole jail thing.  (I kid – of course…)

Finding Eddie was truly like winning the boyfriend lottery.  And yet here I am – two years widowed, hands on hips and wondering out loud – What….the….hell?

Folks have been lining up to give me advice regarding my single status – it actually began at Eddie’s memorial service less than a week after he died.  Since then I have heard it all:

“You are still young and attractive – you’ll meet someone else.”  (That was at the memorial.)

“So, what kind of man are you looking for?”  (Let’s see - Hysterically funny, brilliant, adventurous, motorcyclist who commands everyone’s attention just by entering a room – oh wait…)

“Have you started dating yet?”

“When are you going to stop wearing your engagement ring?”

“It is time for you to stop wearing your engagement ring.”

“No man is going to talk to you while you’re still wearing your engagement ring.”

So, now what?  Oh, I already said that, didn’t I?

Well, I’ve begun to experiment with wearing my engagement ring on my right hand.  Obviously, that isn’t working out since I just looked down and it is happily around my left, ring finger.  It is the most beautiful piece of jewelry I have and I see no reason for it to sit in a drawer because it might keep someone from talking to me.  Something tells me I wouldn’t like that guy anyway.

The last time someone asked me when I was going to be ready to date I said this:

“I don’t know.”  

Riveting insight into my psyche, right?  But the fact is – I don’t know.

I won’t know until some lucky bastard is standing in front of me, ignoring my engagement ring and something between us goes “click”.

And if that never happens then I’ll just continue to annoy the curious with “I don’t know”.