A Non-Traditional Mother

As a general rule, I dislike Mother’s Day.  It is simple, really.  My mother, Sara Norton Erbes left this world way too early in 1995.  Put that with the lack of children of my own and it stands to reason that this is a day I don’t particularly look forward to.

There is also the fact that I’ve become all too familiar with the sad truth that there are many women in the world who don’t have a clue as to how to be a good mother.  The child welfare system is full of their offspring.

Regarding my own mother – I deeply regret that I never really told her how great a mother she was and how almost daily, I am thankful that she was one of the three biggest inspirations in my life.  She is joined in that elite club with my wonderful father - the love of her life and Eddie, the love of my life.

I am a child of the 60’s and 70’s.  A time before the feminist movement when the vast majority of women were homemakers whose every waking hour was spent catering to the needs of their families.

My mother never quite fit into that stereotype.  And I am the woman I am today because of it.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my mother’s life and how she chose to live it.  I think I know what motivated her.  Of course, she would probably think that my analysis was a ridiculous waste of time.  Mom didn’t suffer fools or sentimentality.  She simply didn’t have time for it.

After giving birth to four of her five children, she went to work.  I don’t know if this was out of boredom or financial but I suspect it was a little of both.  She chose a job that she could do from home that gave her control of her schedule.  She worked for Stanley Home Products putting on “parties” in other women’s homes and selling them everything they needed to keep a clean and orderly house.

Not surprisingly, she was very good at it and soon was the top saleswomen in her region and was promoted to Unit Manager with other “hostesses” reporting to her.  She was so successful that after my father retired from the military, not long after I was born, he joined her in the business.

Over the years she worked for a couple of other home shopping companies until she made the move into the world of retail management.  Again, she moved up quickly and became the Personnel Director for several Atlanta-area retail chains including Davison’s, Zachry and J.P. Allen.  Of course, none of these stores exist today.  All were swallowed up by big retail conglomerates in 70’s.

Once the very elegant and refined, J.P. Allen became “Fashion Bug” she left retail for good and became a million dollar a year real estate agent.

I am in awe of the stamina of this woman.  Yes, when we were young the family employed a full-time maid who also watched us when we got home from school.  But every single night of my childhood, Mom would come in from work, kick off her heels and cook a full meal for the whole family.  There were no Domino’s or fast food restaurants on every corner.  People ate at home back then.  And we ate very well.

In later years, Dad took a more active role doing housework, grocery shopping and cooking, once he fully retired.  But during the two-career days, Mom carried most of the load.

I never resented the fact that Mom was working full time while my friend’s mothers were active in PTA, bringing cookies to class or at home when we came in after school.  And I think it was because I had already figured out that my mom was different, and I liked that.

Sara Sue Norton Erbes, with the ever present cigarette

She was full of laughter and knew the true meaning of acceptance.  She wasn’t overly affectionate but there was never any doubt that we were loved.  She did not tolerate bigotry or prejudice and passed that along to her children.  She had a way of encouraging us and building up our self esteem.  And because of that we grew up with no lack of confidence in ourselves. 

In some ways, this is a parent’s greatest gift.

A parent’s job is to raise happy, confident, well-adjusted, responsible people.

I like to think my Mom (and of course, my father) was enormously successful in raising us kids.

And I thank her everyday.

I miss you constantly but know that my appreciation for your gifts grows every day.

Happy Mother’s Day.